Hi Folks. I love you. Just so you know =)
I haven’t been around here much. Life’s been weird, crazy, chaotic; an endless stream of changes and transformations. You’re not surprised to hear it, I’m not surprised to be saying it, but I am a little TIRED. Seriously. I told someone today that I just want to be normal. And it’s true. Of course the me deep down has no frame of reference for normalcy so what it looks like, how it feels, is foreign. Still it is something I’ve found myself longing for, and that’s new.
However I WANT to be, I know what’s more important is just that self acceptance thing I’ve talked about non-stop throughout the 2 years I’ve been roaming and writing. Always thinking I’ve grasped it, only to realize self acceptance is not a thing to grip, it is just a state of being. Once you arrive there for real, I doubt you can leave. I’m hopeful for that being the case. But I won’t know til I get there…
I gotta be honest with you. I’m tired of writing, too. Well, not really of writing, but of the way I write. This stream of consciousness journaling style has been chock full of deluded avoidance wrapped up in a need to expose myself in order to feel accepted (this is a topic I hope to cover a bit more academically in the future). I do it several times a day, and realize it’s not even a creative outlet anymore, it’s just something I do because if I DON’T do it, I feel like I haven’t breathed, or eaten, or taken care of something necessary for my survival. Journaling has been an addiction. Today I’m celebrating 91 days of sobriety from alcohol, so I might as well be straight up about all of it. I’ve had a lot of dependencies (travel, moving, people, booze, everything) that have prevented me from being present with a seriously damaged sense of SELF, and journaling is no different. I will always write, but it’s time for even my writing style to EVOLVE.
So, I’m changing the blog name because Roam and Write served its purpose but no longer fits. Rebel Herbal no longer fits. We’ll see what happens. Just wanted to give you a heads up so that if you wish you can follow whatever is to come.
Hope you are happy loving the life you live
Check out my instagram: @adventure.every.where